Yup, that’s her, she falls down, but she always gets back up.
When I was 5 years old, I needed a surgery that would allow me to place my feet flat on the ground. Up until this point I walked on my tippy toes all of the time. And still insisted on playing soccer, and falling… a lot. The world thought I wanted to be a ballerina. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I was out to show the world ‘I could.’ At the core, I am still that determined little girl who keeps getting back up.
That grit and courage drove me to achieve many things. The little girl who fell down would become a nationally ranked lacrosse player, a tennis coach, and a figure competitor. She would go on to graduate magna cum laude as a nurse, get married to a twin flame, serve her community, have a beautiful daughter, Lena, who inspired the building of an online international business.
I met my Beyond the Red Tent sisters Missy and Maraya in that space. We saw a common need to build bridges between women that could heal generations.
A world healer at heart, I have always been drawn to what is real, what is deep and what is true. We were meant to be seen beyond the naked physical eye.
Even at a young age, I wanted to talk about all of the things we aren't supposed to talk about. The shadows. I’ve spent much time exploring and navigating the shadows of depression, family trauma, eating disorders, suicide, addiction, divorce, infertility, narcissism, inner child work, and grief in order to embrace the light and the darkness. I strive not to make a distinction between them.
The sun and the moon, day and night, darkness and light are all in the same 24 hours. They cannot exist without one another and that is how it always will be. It is what exists in all of us.
We are not all good or all bad. I thank my shadows for they have shown me who I really am.
As a teen was sent to live in the Prescott National Forest in Arizona for 4 months. That independent spirit sometimes was a little too extra. Sorry mom and dad.
No tent. No matches. A dull knife, a tin cup and an army issued sleeping bag.
It was there I sat with my anger for the first time and learned my inner knowing was stronger than any external force. To hear her, I had to get quiet. Really quiet. I let go of everything and discovered a new peace within.
This seems to be a recurring theme in my life. Climb to the top. Die. Be Reborn from the ashes of my former self.
I rose as a leader in the middle of nowhere, carving arrowheads out of obsidian and learning how to start fires with spindles and bow drills. I adapt. I can survive. I am a survivor.
Meeting my husband, Rocco, allowed a new healing to begin. We were so alike and yet were raised so differently. We met right after 9/11, when the world was grieving, and continue to evolve as a couple. Sharing a passion for exercise, music, helping and healing we were stronger together as we supported each other through college and his doctoral program.
He was the first man besides my grandfather that I truly respected.
He held me when I thrashed. He didn't rise to any of my antics. He supported me blindly as I announced my next plan. He encouraged this tough girl to stay soft - letting me know I was safe. All that crust and toughness is still an asset. I just don't need to bring it out as much as I used to. I see that part of my shadow as a protector now. I thank her for what she has done to help me move out of the chaos of family trauma and into our new family.
The playful side of me really came out when I became a mom.
The heart explosion that occurred the day Lena came into this world is indescribable. The birth didn't go as planned, but the kid definitely made up for it.
I know she chose me, chose us… Lena means Light and our last name means warrior. She has always been my little light warrior to remind me of all the “good” in this world.
Every priority that was important in my pre-child life became obsolete. Crazy how your children can stir something inside of you that has your soul longing to create a legacy for them. She became the motivation to continue to rise, to morph to become on the days that I just couldn’t for myself.
She walks on her toes and falls, just like I did. Now I know exactly what to say, “Get back up little one. All is well. Let’s keep going”
Truth, I am an ambivert. I love people & I love the silence and solitude of being alone. Nature, moving my body and hugs from my husband and daughter are my Xanax.
I am scared all the freaking time at what I know I must do in this life AND I chose to see challenges as an invitation to grow and learn, although I’ll often internally kick and scream during the process. My rebel spirit longs to Roar.
I love routine and travel and my dog. I’m West coast at heart with an East coast address.
I am real.
Nothing is too much or too raw or too deep. I live for that stuff. I believe we all have a need to be known, heard and loved.
I am on this soul journey with you sister as we Learn to accept each new challenge comes with lessons - and those lessons come with beauty & choices around what energy we will choose to align with.
Welcome to the Tent!